Brian's Japan Adventure

February 24^th, 2008

 S.S.D.D. 

If you don’t know what SSDD stands for, then let’s just say not much happened today that you haven’t read before. Library, etc.

 Gaijin-Talk 

About the only unusual thing that happened here is that they have a new guy working at McDonalds and he tried to overcharge me. See; the McDonalds here really ARE just like the ones in the States!  I’m sure the guy wasn’t being dishonest, he just didn’t understand my order; on the other hand, he’s the first one ever (at McDonald’s anyway) to not understand me pointing at the pictures as well as ordering using the Japanese names for things.

Here’s one thing I have noticed about Japanese people that is interesting. They pretty much expect any Gaijin to not understand Japanese, so they inevitably expect you to point and pantomime. That’s OK. I can live with that; I’ve done it daily for six months. However, even if you speak grammatically correct Japanese, they often won’t understand you. 

It seems that all the Japanese people in Japan speak good Japanese. Duh, right?  That’s obvious, but when you think about it, it has an unexpected side effect. They all speak the same language the same way. Although there are some regional dialectical differences, there are very few people here who would talk with what they would consider a “funny accent.”  In America, we are used to foreigners speaking in grammatically correct English, but with all manner of odd accents. They don’t get many foreigners here; and so have less exposure to foreign accents.  My Japanese, although still improving daily, may as well be Swahili as far as they can tell. 

I can order dinner or a train ticket in completely correct Japanese, and people still often won’t “get” what I’m saying.  Now, I’ll grant that my accent is almost certainly pretty darned awful, but the sentences I use are usually so short it really would take some effort not to understand them.

February 23rd, 2008

The Most Disgusting Post Ever

This was another library day as planned. I stopped at McDonalds on the way there and CoCo Ichi on the way back. It snowed like crazy on the walk to CoCo, and when I walked in the front door, they offered me a towel. Whether or not you understand what they say, Japanese people are incredibly hospitable in every conceivable way. Or maybe they just didn’t want me melting and dripping on the floor. Nah.

I go to the library and immediately updated blogs and such, then downloaded LOST. Then I got involved with chatting with a few folks, and that took a lot longer than expected. By the time I was done with the chatting, I wasn’t much in the mood to do anything else… I can only sit there just so long anyway. I did download some information about a possible Florida camping trip later this spring. It shouldn’t be excessively expensive, and sounds like a lot of fun.  At some point in the afternoon, Marc showed up and took a spot at the desk next to me. Usually by the time he arrives, the place is extremely crowded, but not today for some reason.

I don’t know why he has this problem with his computer, but he has to prop it up between to thick books to give it ventilation so it doesn’t overheat and shut itself off so quickly. Nevertheless, he had to shut it down and restart it several times in the hour or so I was sitting next to him. That would just make me crazy.

And now here it comes. Just when you thought I’d told all about life in Japan. Now it starts getting … weird.  Over the past six months, I have complained about this and that annoyance pretty often. Overall, I have to say things have been pretty nice here…mostly. Japan and the USA are really much more alike than different. But today at the library, I think I decided on the ultimate, most insanely detestable thing about Japan: The Squat Toilet.  If you’re eating, maybe you’ll want to come back later. This gets pretty disgusting.

Squatter’s Rights (and Wrongs)

These things are just beyond my comprehension. Before I left the USA, my Dad told me, “They crap in holes in the ground.”  I honestly thought he’d been watching too many old WWII jungle movies. He was right on though; many places here really do make you “crap in holes.”  Squat toilets are essentially a hole in the ground with a bar in front that you hold on to. You squat down, do your business and wipe, or so the theory goes.  Maybe it’s because I am bigger than 99% of Japanese people, but I am always in constant fear of filling up my own pants by accident using these things.  I just don’t bend that far.

Do an experiment: Pull down your pants around your ankles and bend down as if you were going to take a dump standing up. Can you bend down and backwards far enough that you are really sure the “chunks” are going to land in the hole under you and not your own pants?  I should have been clearer: Do this experiment at home, preferably alone.

Since I’d really prefer not to accidentally fill up my pants in the library downtown, there’s only one option. Take off my shoes, pants and underwear and then do it. Clean up, and then put everything back on. Yes, this involves standing in a restroom stall in my sock feet and dressing and undressing. Generally, Japan is especially sanitary, but this is the exception.  I don’t even want to picture the danger of “splash action” if I had what Marc had the other day.

Seriously, these things just make no sense whatsoever. It’s easy enough to understand how you are supposed to use them, but they are tricky.  Should going to the bathroom actually be challenging?  I guess they are easier to clean or something. Fortunately, our apartment and 50% of the places I go have regular western-style toilets, but not everywhere.  Usually I just hold it, but it’s not always an option.  So there you have it; this blog has now sunk to a new low.  I really don’t think I can imagine anything more disgusting to discuss here than this. At least I didn’t have to post pictures… Do I?

Back to the Rest Of the Story

OK, enough of that crap… I mean back to the topic at hand.  After the library and CoCo, I went on back to the apartment and watched LOST. That’s pretty much it. It was kind of a boring day; I think I need a new project to tide me over for the next couple of weeks. Time is getting short, but I’m not done yet. The three business projects are far enough along that they don’t have much to do until I get home. I think I need a 4th project. Hmmm.  I actually have a fourth project that I’d like to do, but I can’t think of a way to make money with it…yet.

February 22nd, 2008

Down To The Wire

I went up the hill this morning; I don’t usually do that on Friday, but I thought it would be better to print off more copies of my “food handout” on the office laser printer than deal with the old lady at the stationary store.  I also figured I should probably check my email this morning; just a feeling. It turned out there was nothing special business-wise happening in email.  Ptuny has returned from her art-show experience, so I’ll have some chatting to do Saturday morning.  I printed off my handouts and got back to the apartment pretty early.

When noon rolled around, I rode to the station, bought my lunch at the big station, and rode on the rest of the way to Fukuyama. I passed Marc coming out as I went in to the classroom and then the bell rang; time to begin!  I then went through exactly the same routine as Tuesday, and it went just as smoothly. This lesson took exactly the right amount of time in all four classes with three different age levels. This is one to go in the “for future use” file. I think even the teacher understood it all this time.

Then I walked back to the station, rode home, and bought the usual at the carryout. Pretty much just like Tuesday only warmer. It was 51 degrees here today. It was still cloudy and gloomy in Mordor— I mean Fukuyama, but at least it wasn’t freezing and windy this time. According to the weather forecast, it’s going to be cold all next week, so this is about as good as it gets.

Its Friday again; another week down. Let’s summarize what the future holds. Next week will be just like this week; Fukuyama on Tuesday and Friday, although there won’t be a High School class on Tuesday. Then I will do the usual Hiroshima stuff on Wednesday.   That’s it for my regular schedule. Junior High school will be done for me as of next Friday. I have one more time each class. Wednesdays will continue as always until the day before I go home. Basically, I have one more “normal” week until everything falls apart, the beginning of the end.

Almost Done, But New Classes Still Coming

I have a new set of classes running from March 3rd through 8th, every day. This will involve two classes, which I think run from 11:00 to 1:00 or so. At least I’ll be getting home in the daytime.  These new classes are also in the great garden spot of Japan, a.k.a. Fukuyama.  If there is a “regular” teacher for that class, I haven’t met him/her yet, so I am not entirely sure what’s going to be involved yet. I do have a set of handouts that were given to me a couple of weeks ago.

Couch Potato Me

But I digress.  Anyway, I ate my dinner in front of the TV, watching Harry Potter 2. Yes, I really am THAT bored. I watched Robocop the other night as well. I guess I’ll get the next episode of LOST tomorrow. Afterwards, it was blog time. It’s currently around 8:00 and I want to get some special writing done for another project. Tomorrow will be library day as usual for Saturday. Next Saturday will be my last free Saturday, so that schedule will also have to change.

February 21^st, 2008

 Bandit On The Run(s). 

I slept a bit late, as I usually have been doing on Thursdays lately. When I got up, I had to decide what to do today. I could go up the hill to the office and check my mail, or I could just go to Megalo and make a day of it.

So I packed up and went to Megalo.  They’re not bad once you get used to them, and in the middle of the afternoon, they are pretty empty and quiet.  Business-wise, I made another small sale with #1, #2 had a few new subscribers, and #3 sat there lonely and neglected. There was still no news from iTunes. I’m glad I am not sitting at home twiddling my thumbs with my livelihood on the line waiting for them. Still, the podcast did get a few more subscribers since I last looked at the report. I’ll post the next episode this weekend. I have two more recorded and ready-to-go already, but I may re-do them if I have time.  I looked for the next episode of LOST, but then I remembered that it’s still only Wednesday in the States, so I didn’t look very hard!

On the way home, I stopped at Happy Town McDonalds. There was a Japanese guy working at the counter who took my order in English and gave my change in English, and thanked me in English.  He even seemed happy to get the practice. Sure enough; he’s the one guy in this city who speaks good English, and he works in just about the only place where English isn’t really necessary.

Then I came back to the apartment to find Marc ready to go to the drugstore. Apparently he’s had “The Runs” for the past six days.  Hmm.  I thought the toilet paper got used up awfully fast this week. I do believe he’s even going to be motivated to replace it this time. I guess this has been a problem for a few days, but I haven’t seen him since Monday, so it was news to me.  He’d been up to the office today, and Y-San wrote a note for him to take to the drugstore explaining what he needed.  Yeah, that makes a neat mental picture doesn’t it?  A giant, bear-like gaijin walks into the local drugstore with a note that says “Help me, I can’t stop pooping” in Japanese.  Bwahahahahaaa!  Well, I guess it’s still a far sight better than having to pantomime it.  He wasn’t too thrilled with it either, but figured it was better to deal with it now, however embarrassing it might be, rather than have to deal with it on the plane next week. Yes, he is leaving next Saturday; he’s got 8 more days; I have 20.

 Would You Take A Job Offer In… Mordor? 

Just before he walked out the door, Y-San called. Marc picked it up and did the talking, filling me in afterwards. Apparently there is now an opening for a job in Fukuyama for an Art and Physical Education teacher for the Elementary School Immersion program. One of the three teachers who were so… unfriendly… to us last fall has quit.  She asked us to forward the news on to anyone who might be interested. She did say that the applicant would have to be able to do cartwheels and demonstrate things like that. I think she knew darned well that neither Marc nor I are qualified to be a P.E./Art teacher, but she probably promised someone she would mention it.  Actually, I could probably handle the Art Teacher side of it without a problem, but not P.E. as well. Now that I think about it, not one physical education teacher I ever had did a cartwheel. I never saw them run, do a push up, or even walk real fast. They were all really good at blowing whistles though. Even if Art and PE appealed to me, it’s in Fukuyama, which is also known as the City of Gloom, Despair and Desolation.  I swear the sun never shines there. I suspect there are tribes of Orcs in those mountains. As I said a few days ago, I could be tempted to stay or come back with the right offer, but not there.

Tomorrow, of course, is Friday, which means I am going back to that dark and gloomy realm.  I will teach the young orclings about food names, and hope to escape with my skin intact.  Fortunately, I have something poor Frodo never had; a return ticket on the 3:45 train.  If you didn’t catch the Lord Of The Rings references, you should probably close down this browser window and go read those books right now. Or at least watch the movies. You know who you are.